With A Heavy Heart...

I don’t know why I’m here on this earth. I do know that I have a profound passion for writing. I have been told that I’m good at it. I must try to speak from an ego free place now and say that I hope that my writing is a true gift. Though I have a knack for putting things in perspective on paper, I find it very hard to communicate verbally, especially with those that I love. I always seem to put my foot in my mouth. I wish there was an antidote or prescription for this ail but unfortunately it may be one of the crosses that I bear in this life. I'm trying to correct this flaw in my communication; I'm sure with love and understanding it can be overcome.

I placed an unnecessary burden on Handsome yesterday. I burdened him with the responsibility of my happiness. How crass, rude and plain WRONG! No one is responsible for my happiness but me. Actually, a few months ago I wouldn't have dared use happiness as an adjective for myself. I've not believed in happiness for at least 7 years since I heard that "happiness is based on what's happening and at any moment what's happening can change." Instead, I've tried to have joy in my life. With joy even when times of peril are on the steps of your door, you can still find peace in knowing that God has things exactly as they should be, and that there are no accidents.

For the past several weeks I have been taking on the role of VICTIM! Something that I’ve rarely done in my life. I’ve always felt that I was an overcomer. I’ve always felt like I was more the person to take lemons and make lemonade, not the person to walk around with a sour outlook and let the lemons control my life. If there is anything that I’m guiltier of now than anything it’s the fact that I have let myself become spiritually negligent and depleted. I have not nurtured my spirit and it shows. When you are spiritually sound, NOTHING, NO-THING, can deter your gusto for life. I know this may seem vain and egocentric, which is not my intent with this next statement, but here goes…One of the things that I like about myself the most is to be balanced and secure, and I’ve been neither lately. I have neglected the most fundamental aspect of my health – my spiritual diet. To know thyself is wisdom. I know right now that I need to feed my Spirit. For weeks I’ve not been living up to my creed: “To be blessed, be a blessing; to be happy, be happiness; to be love, LOVE.” I’ve been doing the exact opposite – I’ve not represented BE LOVE. If anything I have been the picture of selfishness, self-loathing, self-sabotage and self-pity. Neither represents the Light that shines within. My Light has been diminished by my own clouds of being ordinary, complacent, common and predictable, but most sadly by not BEING LOVE.

With a heavy heart…

In all directions,

Blessings, LiGhT & LoVe
Sage