Renewed Heart

Before I typed this I had to really think about if I could really put this in print. What I’m about to divulge I wouldn’t have ever thought would come from me - EVER! I have given another Soul my mind. I am not brainwashed or mesmerized, but I am at the point where I don’t want to think for myself, make decisions by myself. Is that lazy? I don’t think so. I think it is more in recognizing that there is actually someone out there that could make choices for me with my best interest at heart. This is how I think the whole thing came about…

With my sweetie, I’ve realized that part of giving honor to him is my willingness to listen to him, drawing the real him out and hearing his heart. When I don’t understand him I try not to criticize but I make a point to keep listening, knowing that God will give me clarity. I hope he feels that he can hide his heart and his dreams with me, and that he can tell me anything. To really know him is a closer level of intimacy. Something good, lasting and powerful is always birthed out of intimate sharing. Sharing allows me to carry a piece of him with me and vice versa. Whether sharing a secret, a feeling, a fear, or whatever we felt safe enough to deposit into each other. True intimacy is built when we keep the precious secrets that we’ve shared in each other’s safe keeping.

As I learn more about his heart, I am able to stand in the knowledge of his feelings for me even if it’s not verbalized or if he seems a little preoccupied. Being in tune with his heart, and how he thinks and works, gives me patience and arrests the temptation to personalize what might be an internal trial he needs to work out on his own. Listening to him and knowing him is allowing me to release him to have his own space with God. Knowing that he is transforming and getting a relationship with God silences the voice that says “you’re being squeezed out”. In actuality that spot is being filled by a being with which I can’t compete – God! While I’m sitting somewhere feeling ignored, God could be talking to him about me! Because of my insecurities, which I'm working on, I may cloud the vision for what he sees for the future. I may stop them from coming into fruition with my own low expectations, misconceived notions, and the actions that follow. I see a breakthrough for him.

For the last week or so I have been experiencing a renewed love. Not only a renewed love for him but for myself. I know it’s because I have let go of some insecurities. When I released those feelings, it was as if the floodgates were opened and the love that kindled in my heart for him many, many months ago was new. Because I love myself healthily, I can love him wholly.

In all directions ~
Blessings, LiGhT & LoVe
Sage